20 things that should actually be in sex ed. classes
- Trans people exist, are not ugly, are the gender they say they are, need support and respect, are people, aren’t your fetish objects or porn category, and it’s okay to be trans.
- Porn can be really oppressive, and healthier (and funnier and better) sources of porn exist besides videos/DVDs.
- Your sexuality is okay. It is not wrong to be queer in any way. The history of the word queer, the queer movements led by trans women of color. Queer history in different cultures and contexts
- Sexualized racism and sexualized racist misogyny and cissexism. For example, the Madonna/Whore complex and how it translates across racial lines (eg Nun/Spicy Latina for Latina women, Mammy/Jezebel for Black women, Delicate Princess/Prostitute for East Asian women).
- Desexualization of disabled people, why it’s bullshit, how to counteract desexualization. How disability, including emotional and/or developmental disabilities can relate to sex.
- How to actively prevent rape in your circles and combat rape in larger social groups. How men can stop other men from raping. How to control oneself. How to not blame rape victims; how to support rape victims, and the necessity of doing so.
- Warning signs of abuse (and not just partner abuse, familial and friendship and parental and other forms of abuse), what abuse victims tell themselves, survival strategies, how to get out of an abusive relationship while it is the safest option, how to support abuse victims, how to not become abusive.
- How to effectively communicate, and how to healthily break up/detach. How to keep a relationship going, and how to stop it.
- How to be a teenage or young parent. How to raise a child, where to go for help, options. Combating the stigma of teenage parenthood, especially teenage motherhood by WoC. Showing both positive and negative examples of teenage parenthood and being realistic.
- Where and when to seek help with relationships and sex. When should you see a doctor, and what kind of information do you need to bring? Where are the trans-friendly doctors in the school’s area? What kind of legal representation should you have if you are disabled and need help communicating to a doctor?
- Statistics on everything related to sex. Rates of rape of native women by non-native men; rates of suicide of trans people after sexual assault. Rates of spousal and domestic abuse. Rates of sexually transmitted diseases. Rates of poverty of teen mothers. How long the average teenage sexual relationship lasts. Demographics of different sexualities.
All of the above are amazing! Things that I would add to this:
12. Information about asexuality and how it’s okay if you don’t experience sexual attraction. Especially how the average age of first sexual attraction is 10 and if you don’t experience it by age 16, you most likely won’t start experiencing it.
13. Honest information about the actual medical procedures used to perform abortions, not only the procedures for late-term abortions. This should include information on how people obtain abortions (e.g. from their doctors, from Planned Parenthood, from sexual health clinics).
I would add:
14. Information about polyamory and non-monogamous relationships as equally valid
15. Aromanticism as a valid identity, not a way of being “broken”
16. The desexualisation of fat bodies / bodies viewed as “less valid” by society
17. How to have safe sex of any kind, not just penis/vagina penetrative sex
18. Things you can do to have good, relaxed, communicative, pleasurable nonpainful sex. I mean real tips! Breathing, positioning, talking! If teenagers are GOING to be having sex it might as well be safe and fun instead of being something they feel ashamed about and expect to be painful. This should include getting proper consent to move forward (explicit verbal doesn’t work for every dynamic, but for teenagers it’s probably the best model to go on), which I think got talked about before, but especially in the context of the possibility that the person has been assaulted, which can happen at any age.
19. IT IS OKAY if you want to wait! Regardless of your reasons, whether religious or not, you should not be pressured, stigmatized, made fun of or assumed to have any other view about society at large. Neither are you a morally superior person. Basically whenever someone decides sex is right for them, that’s okay, but it should be on THEIR terms, not their peers’.
20. Kink, a brief history of NOT BEING FUCKED UP. I don’t know that a sex ed class needs to go into kink in detail but I think it should be talked about. Finding out from the internet that you’re not alone is kind of hard and most people STILL feel shame about their kinks even when they’re IN a positive community.
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